I received a letter from my surgeon (aka my cancer Doc) just after Christmas.
The letter requested that I see him on 14 January. The appointment was a year and two days after our first traumatic meeting (Spoiler Alert: it’s ok folks, I grew to like him).
I was not sure what he was going to say or why he even wanted to see me at this time. I was only supposed to be seeing my Chemo Doc in a few weeks time to sign me off from his department, so I was not sure why this guy wanted to see me as well.
I was really worried. Could they have found anything from the Radiotherapy? I thought they could not, but I was not 100% sure. I tried to reassure myself and although I was confident that all was ok; I could not help thinking how confident I was before I was diagnosed.
To quote my post about 23rd December “But even though I was worried, I was still waiting for the relief when I would be told that it was a cyst.”
As a wise old Muppet reject once said “Named must your fear be before banish it you can”.
Being diagnosed with cancer is life changing, but not always in the most obvious ways. Where as before, I would always worry that something may be wrong with me, deep down I never thought it would be (and it never was until 12th January 2012 Click here to see how that day a year ago went). There is a relief in thinking of the worst case scenario and worrying about it, only for it not to happen. It is a great feeling when it turns out fine. It could be seen as masochistic, but I reckon it is just a human trait.
Of course supporting Leyton Orient the worst case scenario is more often than not, the norm.
In the words of Lurcio ‘It came to pass’ (Google it Younglings)
I was waiting in the very same waiting area that I had been waiting in when I first went for my tests. It could be said that omens were not good (although I think they were a good garage band See below). While I was sitting there, I realised that I was still waiting for an appointment for the Lymphoedema Clinic AND as I looked on the white board, I noticed that they were holding one of their clinics that day. “I must remember to ask the cancer Doc to book me into that” I thought. (Hey this is proper prose here!!)
I was eventually called by my wonderful Breast Care Nurse Sarah. Sarah had been there when the dreadful news was first broken to me. We went into the room and I saw no sign of my Cancer Doc. It was just Sarah and I and I was at the Lymphoedema Clinic.
So another worse case scenario was crossed off the list!
To check my Lymphoedema, the circumference of both of my arms were measured from my wrist up to near the armpit and compared. All seemed ok and it seems to have improved a lot since I first noticed it during my Radiotherapy. In fact if it is still the same in 6 months, I will be discharged, although I still have to look after my arm rubbing cream on it and if I get a burn or bite I will need Anti-inflammatory cream and if it swells up a lot then it will be a trip to A&E (if it is not closed down) and some antibiotics.
I was even encouraged to play the guitar, as it exercises my arm. I wonder if I can get a Rickenbacker 4001 on prescription?
This year is full of bad anniversaries and I shiver when I think of what I was doing and thinking on every relevant day on the corresponding date in 2012.
A lot of last year seems so unreal. Things were happening so fast and so dramatic. There was a period when everything was going wrong. I had to wait until the end of the summer before I received anything positive about my health and that good news was that I was going to have Chemo after all. That sounds crazy.
I was recently invited to a Photo Shoot for Breast Cancer Care who need new photos for their publications and website. Being a shy person who likes to keep himself to himself I of course agreed straight away. The shoot involved various shots with Mobile Phones, I pads and Laptops, as well as some shots with others and single shots in various poses. It was a right laugh and gave me the opportunity to catch up with my fellow model Fran and meet some other people who work for BCC and those diagnosed with the bastard disease.
Love and Pease Pudding
I must just add, that my line earlier was supposed to say The Omens were not good (although the second album had some good tracks on it).
Being one for facts, I thought that I better look up and see if there actually was a band called The Omens and obviously, there was!!!